Day 4: how you think your life would change if you achieved your dream

I think my life wouldn’t really change all that much if I achieved my dream.. I mean I’ve got almost everything i could ever ask for. 

In a long time.. I’ve come home, got in bed and cried.. Day = bad. 

Day 3: your parents

Dear mom
I know I’m a bad kid. I know we fight alot because I’m such a bitch to you, but I do love you. No matter what I say or do. Always remember that. I’m going to try and be better to you. I really am because you deserve to be treated better. You’ve sacrifice every say for me so I can be fed and clothed and happy and I know that doing this all alone must be really hard on you and I appreciate all that you do for me. Like drive me three or four hours to see my best friend or take me to Rochester to a graduation party when you know I’m missing something huge here. When you know its the last time ill see Katie. Your an amazing and a strong woman who shouldn’t have this bad of a life. I wish you would see that your way to good for Richard and he doesn’t treat you right. Thank you so much for putting up with shit at my dads and supporting me if I want to go there. It means the world to me and I have no idea how I can ever repay you. I love you mom.

Dear dad,
You haven’t talked to me since I went to get money.. no phone call.. no nothing. Should I really expect anything from you to begin with? Honestly I love you but this is killing me. You were different when I was little. When I was little you treated me right. You loved me. Now you don’t. Or at least that’s what it feels like. You think I want nothing to do with you.. well you are wrong. I want everything to do with you. I want MY dad back, the one who would take me fishing and skating and boating and driving. The dad who actually called me on my birthday, the dad who drove to malone to see me after my surgery, the dad who would come see me after a life changing event! But of course not. You couldnt take 10-15 minutes out of your ‘busy’ life to come see me when I went deaf in my right ear because of a surgery that I would have died without.. God forbid you actually try.. you didn’t even call to check on me… not once. You’ve changed since Connie… and I don’t like it.. she’s tricked you into thinking its all me and that she’s innocent. Christmas 2010 was the WORST Christmas ever. I spent my whole day crying. The WHOLE fucking day. No one could get me to smile besides Mary-Catherine and for that I owe her. For God’s sake my cousin spent an hour talking to me because she was the only one who would possibly understand what I was going through. As I sit here and write this I’m crying. Do you see what you’ve done to me? You’ve broken me.. I will never forgive you.. even if you dump Connie. But I swear to God, if you ask her to marry you.. I will disown you. I will NEVER talk to you again. You’ll never meet your grandchildren or your future daughter in law or son in law. No fuck you if you marry that stupid cunt. She made me want to kill myself. Are you happy? You chose her over me to begin with. I even went to councilors for this shit in 8th grade at school. I can’t even… so much hate and anger and pain in this one letter… I can’t write anymore.. I hope you have a nice life…

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